No Mommy, I'm not insane
by Sheeta Mort
Summary: -Not a Fan-fic- Join Amber, a mentally unstable girl, on her journey to Illard; a dark realm filled with the oddest creations. Man eating flowers, talking chairs, a spotted hippo. Is it real?


I barely remember when They told my mom I was 'Mentally Unstable' and that I was 'a Danger to myself and those around' They said that I should be 'In a place where I could get help'

I don't exactly know why my mother made me see those doctors. Thinking back now, I do remember that a few days before I had to see Them my mother said "she was disgusted with me and she didn't know what was wrong with me" and that "I needed help" She said that after the fixed up the bleeding hole in my leg.

A few days earlier I had fallen down, the skin on my leg was rubbed off so when the scab formed what was I to do but pick it away. I must have been amazed by the sight of the enchanting red stream of blood that ran down my leg, so I just kept picking at it. The stream grew bigger and bigger soon I was tearing away at my flesh, the little stream had turned into a torrent of blood gushing down my leg. It was then that I was overcome with fear, limping I managed to find my mom. She was shocked, she barely said anything when she was wiping the blood away and bandaging my deep gash. That same day however I did hear her on the phone, talking rather frantically to whoever was on the other line.

I didn't think I had done anything wrong, so I was shocked when she woke me up from my nap the next day; dressed me rather quickly then pushed me into the car. I was scared, so I closed my eyes. When the car stopped I opened them, slowly. We where in front of a large grey and rather plain looking building.

Without pausing my mom wrenched open the door, drug me out of the car, pulled me up a long trundle of stairs to a smelly, wood paneled office where a old and frail looking man was waiting. It was him, the first doctor. I disliked him immediately.

My mother and I sat down but what happened after I can't remember, it was really boring so I didn't think I needed to focus. Instead I escaped into my wonderful land, called well It doesn't really have a name. Not yet, the counsel hasn't decided on a formal name yet but everyone calls it 'illard' after the famous spotted hippo named illard.

My adventure in Illard got interrupted when my mother poked my side.

"He wants to ask you some questions darling"

My mothers voice seemed soothing and inviting so I acknowledged her with a upward glance into her hazel eyes.

"How old are you Amber?"

The old mans voice was raspy and nasally I didn't like it. So I sat silently, staring at the floor until my mother poked my side again. I repeated his question in my head 'How old are you Amber' That was my name, Amber. I struggled to remember my age, why couldn't I remember.

Undecided I spat out a number

"Fifteen"

I'm sure the old man sensed my uncertainty because he looked to my mom for confirmation, she merely nodded. I guess that was my age, what a lucky guess.

The man continued to ask me a few questions, then he started talking to my mother again.

After what seemed like hours we finally left the eerie and odd smelling room, headed home.

That night however my mom came into my room and placed a cup full of water in one hand and a pill in the other.

She sat down beside me on my bed, she tried to explain to me that I needed to take the pill, that it would help me; that I would get better. I was confused. 'Get better' how could I get better. Was I sick?

All the while I sat silent on my bed, staring at the pill in my small palm then at the glass of water and the small air bubbles that rose from the bottom and sides to the surface.

My mom kept on talking and talking, her voice droning on; I wasn't paying attention anymore. I was thinking about Illard. But her voice kept interrupting me, so finally I took the pill; making sure I took a extra large swallow of water just incase the pill tasted odd.

I didn't feel any different, I hardly noticed anything well except that my mom had finally shut her mouth. She was smiling now and tears where beginning to form under her tearducts. She still didn't say anything, I was feeling uneasy, this should be the time for her to talk. Instead she just patted my head, took the half empty water glass from my hand, got up from my bed and walked out. It was then, when she closed my bedroom door that I felt the effects of the pill. My stomach was getting uneasy, my thoughts were coming slower and the room started to spin. After minutes of frantic but silent consciousness I blacked out.

.:Illard:.

Was scrolled in big golden letters on large wooden gates that stood in front of me when I resumed consciousness.

I wasn't sure how I managed to get here, in Illard I mean, its usually only a place I was in when I day dreamed. But not now, I'm actually here. At least I'm pretty sure I am. I might be asleep. How could I possibly tell. Did it even matter now?

Illard.

Its an amazing place, let me describe it to you.

The sky is deep purple on odd numbered days and bright orange on even days, but the calendar here has only one even day a month. The months are 56 days long and there are only three months in our year. Also its takes two years to go up one birthday here, everyone in Illard is the same age even though some may look older than others. Our clouds are actually made of cotton candy and the raindrops are marshmellows.

Illard is made up of only one large island with a large flashing corral reef surrounding it then a deep drop off into black water.

Enough of my rambling. I've still yet to enter Illard formally.

The large wooden gates moved easily aside upon my command.

There it was. The deep purple sky, the lush green ground, rolling hills covered in large rainbow roses lacking the stem and plant; just the rosebuds stuck from the ground and they never fully bloomed.

I walked through the wooden gates, they closed slowly behind me. I stopped and merely stared at my surroundings, something about Illard was different, it seemed more intense; more 'real' to say. I'm not sure how an imaginary land could seem 'real' but now it did. Before when I visited my vision was blurry and surreal, now everything was sharper, louder and Illard seemed to have a smell; a mix between lamb-chops and a hint of lime.

I started walking down a narrow path made of glass hearts that had suddenly seemed to appear on the ground in front of me. I was quite mesmerized by the rainbow roses that lay strewn around the path, I lent down to get a closer look at one. Remembering almost to late that all the flowers in this land were hungry, vicious, beasts who'd eat almost any creature that came near to inspect their beauty.

As quickly as I could, which surprisingly was fast, I pulled myself backward out of the flowers personal area in the process tripping over my own feet. Still stumbling backwards I managed to get a glimpse of the flowers suddenly unsheathed fangs; where they came from I'm not sure and I wouldn't like to find out.

I had moved so fast that I did manage to trip myself, I ended up in a tumble of twisted limbs on the glass hearts. My lips thinned into a tight grimace, my heart was pounding against my ribcage and my mind was buzzing with thoughts, mostly "How did I get stuck here, and is all this actually real?"

It was during my deep thoughts that a voice interrupted me.

It was a loud booming voice, I knew immediately who it came from. Illard, the miniature spotted hippo; he was the most famous creature in the entire land.

"Its about time you got here" Illard yelled loudly. He must have been farther down the glass heart path, even with my good vision his small figure seemed almost invisible, but it was unmistakable, it had to be Illard. But what did he mean?

I got up slowly, careful to avoid the foreboding roses this time. My knees were a little shaky, my throat was dry and my heart was still beating frantically. But despite the fright and throbs of pain, I felt alive, truly alive. This didn't seem like a day-dream anymore. At that moment I realized that I was really here, in this magical faerie tale. How many times did I wish to truly exist here, and now, now I did.

Illards voice interrupted my happy thoughts, I had forgotten all about him.

"Amber! Down here, come on" For such a small hippo he had quite a large voice.

I took a step down the fragile looking glass heart path. I felt my feet falling out from under me again, my heart fluttered and I gritted my teeth awaiting impact. None came, I was fine, somehow I hadn't fallen.

A sharp laugh escaped me rather suddenly, I almost clasped my hand over my mouth but I didn't. I felt so free and happy, happy for the first time since childhood. I laughed again, this time letting all the numbness and gray reality with my mother wash away on ripples of laughter. Something shimmered in front of my face, it looked like a bubble, I leaned closer. There was someone inside the bubble, someone trapped. I rubbed my eyes uncertain of the image inside and looked again. Now there were two people inside the bubble and one of them I knew. One of them was my mother and she was kneeling next to a frail looking girl who lay in a small bed. I grimaced, the girl seemed lifeless, void of all happy emotions. Her face was blank, her eyes were sullen and dull. I didn't want to look at this pitiful girl anymore. I closed my eyes and exhaled, imaging the bubble floating away into the deep purple sky. When I opened my eyes the bubble was gone, just like I wished. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw a small glitter in the sky, the bubble rose higher and finally, after hovering for a few moments, popped.

Relieved, I inhaled a relaxing breath of sweet air.

Once again I started off down the glass, heart shaped, path.

I could see Illard now, he was rushing towards me, his small hooves moving as fast as possible. He was excited to see me, I could always tell when he was excited because his spots would change colours. They would glitter with magnificent blues, bright yellows that seemed to glow, supple oranges, fresh greens, and deep royal purples.

I ran toward him, sliding to a stop in front of him.

"Illard" I greeted him.

Illard smiled, I'm not sure how a hippo could smile much less a miniature spotted hippo, but he did.

"The counsel sent me, something about a secret surprise and-well I shouldn't talk about it- BUT they knew you'd be here!" Illard boomed.

"If it's a surprise doesn't that mean its secret anyway?" I asked slowly.

Illard gasped, "No," his spots squealed tiny agreements and hastily changed colours. "Don't you remember, surprises are grand, but Secret Surprises are almost always surprisingly enchanting and-"

"You're talking in riddles and look at your spots, they're a jumble." I chuckled.

"Well it's great to see you, we all missed you and everyone wants to chat, especially Marlien and even bitter Jhude... But, we don't have time, really you must follow me. Off to the Secret Surprise!"

I was about to ask where the 'Secret Surprise' was but when I opened my mouth I immediately shut it. Elegant music notes floated in the air around us. They seemed familiar somehow.

"Well.... Call it" Illard gently pushed me forward into the large group of notes.

I stood stunned as the notes floated around me, I was utterly unsure of what to do.  
Hesitantly I reached out and with trembling fingers touched the curve of a 'C' note.  
It let out a light female voice. The voice was so rich, like cream.  
Memories flooded back to me  
With nimble fingers I reached into the air and gently stroked the combination of notes that came so surely to my fingers. Music erupted all around me. Sweet, calming music.

It was coming.

I saw two shadows appear on the ground, they grew bigger and bigger. I looked up, expecting to see something above me, but there was nothing. I raised a brow, as of three seconds ago I thought my memory of this land had come back, perhaps I hadn't remembered everything after all.

I started to ask Illard what was making the shadows "Illard whe-" but at that moment very large smile burst from my lips. I had forgotten my question completely, the things in front of me had me captured in awe.

"My lovely Amber, you've returned and might I add you look majestic" The nearest said.

My eyes widened, they, well at least one, could speak. I looked over them, memorizing the physical details. At first glance they looked like large chairs but as they became solid I noticed other things, smaller things. Each had attracted some sort of button. The one closest, the one that had spoken, had purple buttons of various shapes attached to its flesh, which by the way was a lovely shade of gold. I walked closer and circled the thing slowly. As I moved around the chair I felt uneasy. I felt watched, my stomach tightened, I hated having the feeling where my privacy seemed intruded upon. In slight rage I looked for this peeper, it was then I realized that the chair I was inspecting had in-turn been watching me.

If you are a pessimist or a non-believer, then you might wonder, how on earth could a chair be watching you. Well, you answered your own question, this is not earth, anything is possible here.

I leaned closer, my face only inches from the chair. A large group of purple buttons had swarmed into two oval's, they left a space for the whites of optics, which were yellow because of the chairs covering. The pupils where made of various small slices of the buttons, colours ranging from rich violet to pale purple as would a human eye [if they could be purple]

I could have sworn I even saw them blink now and then.

"Are they-your eyes... are they real?" I asked.

"If you want them to be, see I am a-"

"OUCH" I cut him off "Something pricked me"

"Impossible" Illard said "We have no of those horrible things here." In spite of what he told me, he looked around, just to be sure.

"You can't see a 'pri'ck' but- Ouch, there it is again" I was overwhelmed by this hurtful mystery. Small tears began rising over the ducts of my eyes, I couldn't help it.

"Ah, stop it!" I yelled at no one in particular, because no one around me seemed to be harming me, but again and again it came. Sharps pains over my body, on my hand, my cheek, my stomach, my toes even. My body began to tingle.

"Illard, help me" I begged. A tear flowed over my lashes and down my numb cheeks. Instead of falling to the glass hearts that paved a path below, the tear floated into the air. It morphed into a bubble. Almost like the one I had seen before, except this one was thicker, gray, morbid in a way and it didn't soar effortlessly through the sky, like the one from my laugh had done.

More tears fell and they too turned into thick bubbles. The bubbles didn't leave me, instead they clung to the air around me.

I could see Illard stepping toward me, his hooves waving in the air as he tried, unsuccessfully to pop the intruders around me.

As the swarm grew denser I panicked, my breath came in swiftly, I was claustrophobic. I was barely able to lift my arms to swat at these beasts. My body had become sluggish and overridden by pain. My efforts for freedom were useless. The crowd had become so thick that I couldn't see Illard or the chairs anymore, even the purple sky was blocked out by these horrible things. They pressed ever closer, their damp shells touched my cheeks. Shivers ran through me. I closed my eyes, wishing them away, but when I opened my eyes they were still there.

I wanted to scream and run away, I would have if I had the strength, but I felt so weak now, these things were like leaches.  
Flashes of images appeared inside the bubbles, like before. I saw my mother again, she still stood by the girl, who looked worse than ever. It seemed the girl was having a nightmare, her small body was sweating convulsing in small shivers, but she didn't wake up. My mother leaned over the girl, I could see worry on her face, she dabbed the girl's face with a wet cloth then whispered in her ear. "Wake up" her voice was cold but pleading. Another ripple of pain came over my entire body. I closed my eyes, blackness surrounded me now, much better than seeing that weak girl laying almost lifeless on the bed.

When I opened my eyes the bubbles were gone. I still felt weak, in fact much weaker than before. I wondered where I was, surely not in Illard. This place had no colour, no fun, no awaiting adventure, this place was boring, this was life.

My mother was standing close to me, her back turned to me. She was talking to someone on the phone, it's yellow cord wrapped around her legs, but she didn't notice.

"Obviously its not working! I want her to get better, and if that means...." Her voice was hushed but impatient.

"But mother, what's wrong with me?" I asked slowly.

My mother spun around, the phone dropped from her right hand, she stumbled toward me, tripping over the yellow cord. She knelt at my bedside and took my hand in hers.

"My darling, I'm so glad you're awake. The doctor will be here in the morning."

Her hand felt like fire against my flesh, I wanted to pull away but I couldn't.

"But mother... am I bleeding?" My voice was breaking, thoughts left me, I felt exhausted.

"No hunny, not that doctor." I heard her murmur as she planted a warm kiss on my fore-head. I fell into a black sleep.


End file.
